Uncategorized

My friend Jake ordered “wood-fired pizza” at this place in the Marina last month. The pizza came out and he was confused. “This doesn’t taste wood-fired,” he said. Turns out they had a gas oven with fake wood panels to look rustic. The pizza tasted like every other pizza – no char, no smoke flavor,…

My friend Tom went to Naples last year and came back ruined for pizza. “Everything in San Francisco tastes wrong now,” he complained. Too much cheese. Too thick. Too many toppings. Wrong crust. Wrong sauce. After weeks of listening to him, I took him to Soma Restaurant & Bar and told him to shut up…

My friend Sarah moved here from New York and complained about every Italian restaurant she tried. “They all claim fresh pasta made daily San Francisco but it’s obviously dried pasta from a box,” she’d say. I thought she was just being difficult until I took her to Soma Restaurant & Bar. She watched through the…

My friend Rachel ordered gnocchi at this Italian place in North Beach last month and almost broke a tooth. “These are like cement,” she said, pushing the plate away. The gnocchi were dense and heavy, sitting in a pool of watery sauce. We sent them back and the waiter looked offended. “That’s how gnocchi is…

My roommate Jake bought frozen ravioli from Trader Joe’s last week and tried to pass it off as homemade. I could tell from across the room. The pasta was too thick. The edges were sealed weird. The filling tasted like nothing. “This is fine,” he said defensively. Then I took him to Soma Restaurant &…

My friend Sarah’s Italian professor told her class that fettuccine alfredo doesn’t exist in Italy. Everyone got mad because they’d all eaten it at Italian restaurants. “What you call alfredo,” he explained, “is an American invention. In Rome they have fettuccine al burro – just butter and cheese. No cream.” Sarah came back from studying…

My friend Tony’s grandmother is from Naples. She’s 87 years old and has opinions about everything, especially Italian food. Last month he brought her to San Francisco and she wanted spaghetti and meatballs. We took her to three different restaurants in North Beach and she hated all of them. “This is not Italian,” she kept…

My friend Rachel grew up in Maine eating lobster rolls and clam chowder that her dad made from stuff he caught that morning. She moved to San Francisco three years ago and hasn’t stopped complaining about seafood since. “Everything tastes frozen,” she says. “Or it’s overcooked. Or they use way too much garlic to cover…

My roommate Jake moved here from Ohio last year and the first thing he said about San Francisco restaurants was “why does all the pasta taste the same?” He’d been to like six different Italian places and every single one served him mushy noodles with sauce that tasted like it came from a jar. I…

My friend Julia’s grandmother passed away last year. She was from a small town outside Bologna and used to make this tortellini in brodo that Julia said tasted like childhood. After the funeral, Julia came back to San Francisco depressed and missing her nonna. “I just want to taste her cooking one more time,” she…